Life is tough isn’t it? But you know what’s tougher? Being hard on yourself when the bad times hit. You are more than enough for anyone, so don’t feel like you’re not and don’t blame yourself when things go wrong that are out of your control.
So some of you’s may be thinking what has sparked this post - well, long story short, I have taken the first steps in to starting my own business. I have a website, a name, the social media accounts and a ‘sort of’ business plan. I am still in the very early stages and I’m sure there will an announcement on here when it does finally go live, but I am so glad that I finally took that leap. However, it still terrifies a little when I think about it - I’ll have moments in the day where I think I’m not smart enough, or talented enough or focused enough to make it a success. Having just said that, I also have days where I feel that nothing can get in my way and this will work and it will succeed. What I am trying to get out there is that – I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and that everyone has down days and there are ways to cope with it. I do feel the pressure to be the best at everything I do - a good work colleague, a good daughter, a good sister, a good aunt, a good girlfriend and a good friend. It’s hard to juggle, but I manage in my own way and I have accepted that I can’t always be the best, but I can do the best I can.
So why do I sometimes feel that I’m not good enough? Its a few varying factors really, firstly, the portrayal of successful women on the media – quite often, I will look at them and think to myself ‘why can’t I be as successful/slim/pretty/clever/talented as them’ – it’s a vicious circle. Secondly, peer pressure from others who harp on about how they’re the best friend, wife, daughter etc etc and make you feel that you don’t do enough for your loved ones. There can be more factors to talk about and only you as an individual know what it is and when you do identify what they are and why you feel the way you do, you can work out ways to deal with it.
It is important to note that the 2 biggest factors that cause us to feel a low sense of self-esteem is comparison and self-inflicted pressure and here’s a few ways to help overcome it…..
Be honest and transparent
If you’re feeling down, talk to someone to about it. Be honest and don’t bottle it up – this will only make you feel worst in the long run. If we were all to be a bit more transparent about our fears, we will get a better understanding of our struggles. Open up to the people you trust, to the people that know you well and listen to their perspective when you’re less able to see it yourself. When you are brave enough to do that, you will find that everyone else also has their own insecurities and with each other’s support, you will be able to recognise your own positive qualities.
Wanting to ‘have it all’ is unrealistic
If there is one thing we all need to stop doing, it is comparing ourselves to others – everyone has a ‘behind the scenes’ and is a quite often a vast difference to their perfectly-filtered show reel. Not everyone’s life is perfect and what you don’t see on the outside is someone’s private struggle. I think it is important to realise that everyone, at some point will feel that they’re not good enough, but instead of comparing through envy and judgement, try to look at them and be inspired and motivated. When you start to see people for who they really are – imperfect, yet beautiful humans just like you, you will be less likely to continue comparing.
Focus on progress and what to do right
Instead of pretending to be perfect, focus on what to do that’s right for you. Acknowledge your strengths and focus on the positives, rather than perfection. For every mistake you made, every step you took wrong, every opportunity you missed – remember that you have done more right. When your mind is drowning with where you’ve gone wrong, we forget to see everything else that is going right for us. Every time you make the right move or say the right thing means you are good enough, we are all good enough. Remember those moments, be proud of yourself, you are wiser than your mistakes.